One of the three men behind the fabulous Newcastle United blog Leazes Terrace, Jose Enrique lookalike (but only in front of goal) Chris Smith boats a touch-to-shot ratio of 1:1. Expect Birtley’s brand new fence to “take a bit of a pounding” before a last-minute effort from six inches in front of his own corner flag…sails harmlessly out of touch for a throw-in.
Positions: All based on the size of a 5-a-side pitch. Started playing in an advanced left sided role where my raw pace and ability to cut inside onto my stronger right foot led to me breaking the Westgate Road record for the total number of shots to hit the woodwork in a single season (a rough average of ten post and crossbar batterings for every one goal). I’ve since moved into a deeper play making role which has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with me being lazy…
Teams played for: Westerhope Juniors and the unstoppable CP Milan (5-a-side team).
Career highlight: Scoring from just outside my own box at Eldon Leisure 5-a-side. Not a surprise with my scandalous shoot on sight policy.
Player or team you’ve modelled your career on: Obafemi Martins. Fast as a whippet but needs at least five chances per goal.
Durham lad and footy rambler, expect to see James Williams haring up the right hand side of the Football Writers’ midfield (if only because no-one else is anywhere near fit enough to play there). Owner of shiny new football boots and brightly coloured shirts, you can follow James’ football ramblings on twitter here.
Positions: Anywhere apart from defence and on the left.
Teams played for: As a youth I turned out for Durham Athletic, perennial underachievers and owners of possibly the worst kit in the North East youth leagues. Went on to play for the delightfully named trio of Goodfella’s (university five-a-side team), Team Death Whip (the whipping boys of the local five-a-side league) and the Jovial Monk (Sunday pub league team).
Career Highlights: When I was 15 I was lucky enough to do my work experience at Maiden Castle, where Newcastle’s first team used to train. It’s a tough call between signing an autograph for an unsuspecting young fan who may have thought I was to be ‘the next big thing’ (I was kitted out in the full training gear) and playing S.P.O.T with Lee Clark on my lunch break.
Player or team you’ve modelled your game on: Alan Smith; not much cop as a forward, a midfielder who brings nothing to the team and a total inability to tackle.
Joining Chris and James in the writers’ line-up is Leicester City and Górnik Zabrze supporter Ryan Hubbard, the man behind Ryan Hubbard’s Modern Football and the Los Revolucionarios Art Project. Ryan is one of ten defensive midfielders in the squad, but will happily play in any position that involves “minimal running”.
Position(s): After years of playing as a Sweeper, now sit in front of the back four as a ball-spraying defensive midfielder.
Teams played for: Allexton & New Parks FC, Glenfield United, Kirby Muxloe SC, Glenfield Nags Head, Moocastle United (6-a-side) and a short trial period at Derby County (bleurgh!).
Career highlight: Either helping the unfancied Second Division Glenfield United to reach the Leicestershire County Cup Final in 2005, or scoring two goals direct from corner-kicks in a friendly against Syston Town.
Player or team you’ve modelled your game on: Yuki Abe (positioning), David Beckham (passing), Michael Jordan (jumping), Darren Anderton (susceptibility to injury), Boris Johnson (hair) and Homer Simpson (stamina).
Ryan is on twitter here.