Northern Leagues United: The Writers

One of the finest squads ever assembled with lashings of attacking flair throughout the side, raw goalscoring ability up front, pace, creativity and stamina in midfield and a back four that remains completely impervious to opposition forays, Wembley heroes or not. None of that comes close to describing the following team. The word that does? Worried.

Manager: Gavin Fell (Vase winning coach with Whitley Bay, now assistant to Steve Cuggy at Blyth Spartans)

Coach: Jeff Livingstone (In Bed With Maradona editor and the genius behind our rigid 4-4-2 and hoof it long to the big man up front masterplan. Or at least that’s what we want the opposition to think…)

Goalkeepers:
Tomasz Mortimer (Ex-Derby County junior. Officially made the best save ever*)
Ian Cusack (Has written for every Newcastle fanzine ever published as well as When Saturday Comes. Author of Village Voice (a season with Percy Main Amateurs). Deceptively agile for a big, big man)

*Seen in a tournament organised by the Football Ramble podcast.

Defenders:
Grant Russell (STV sports writer and qualified referee. Played for Lyon. Not that Lyon, obviously)
Joel Goldman (Metro Radio journalist and tough-tackling full back)
Simon Walsh (Sunderland fan. Attacking full back. Editor of Roker Report)
Nick Loughlin (Northern Echo sports editor. Centre half with good shoulders. Once outjumped Roy Keane and lived to tell the tale)
Ian Rand (Football blogger and double winner with Sheffield Battalion)
Stuart Fuller (Author and writer of The Ball is Round. West Ham fan. Alvin Martin clone)
Michael Hudson (Football blogger. One-minute cameo at right back in the style of Danny Mills circa 2002 World Cup or Hayley Mills around the time of ‘Whistle Down the Wind’)
John Anderson (BBC Radio Newcastle. Oh, and 299 appearances for Newcastle United, 51 for Preston North End and 16 international caps for the Republic of Ireland)

Midfielders:
Joe Daunt (Metro Radio journalist, Manchester City fan and dynamic presence in midfield)
Simon Pryde (Recovering from injury. BBC Radio Newcastle sports presenter. Once scored a penalty against the cast of Doctors)
Scott Johnston (Archie Gemmill crossed with Slim Jim Baxter. Once had a trial with Glasgow Rangers)
Ryan Hubbard (Football blogger and artist. Makelele role)
Simon Bird (The Mirror’s north east correspondent. Labour councillor. Doubles up in defence or, like the rest of the midfield, after running 100 metres)
Mark Douglas (Sports writer for the Sunday Sun, Newcastle Evening Chronicle and The Journal. Bradford City fan)
Pras Murukesvan (Scandinavian flair and utility. Marketing manager at Blackburn Rovers)
Iain Macintosh (Southend fan, Sports Illustrated writer and ungainly presence on the wing)
Andrew Gibney (Lille fan and podcaster. At his best on the edge of a diamond formation in midfield)
Chris Smith (Editor of Leazes Terrace. Likes to shoot often and with varying degrees of accuracy.
James Williams (Football blogger and one-time board game playing partner of Lee Clark)

Forwards
Rich Mason (Northern Echo writer. Crocked keeper turned hopeful (less?) goal poacher)
Paul Fraser (Northern Echo writer. Fox in the box in the style – but not the shape – of Micky Quinn)
Richard Bellis (Football blogger. Philosopher. Big man up front. Brother of Neil and fellow Chester FC fan)
Neil Bellis (Football blogger. Big man up front in possibly the finest pairing of brothers since Wembley 1966)
David Hartrick (Co-editor of In Bed With Maradona. Soon-to-be author. As a Brighton fan, his biggest fear is hearing the commentator utter the words ‘And Hartrick must score…’)
Andy Hudson (Football blogger and ex-teammate of Paul Chow’s. Might get nostalgic five minutes in to the game when receiving first misplaced nod-down from the Bellis brothers)

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One Response to Northern Leagues United: The Writers

  1. Pingback: Northern Leagues United: The Writers | ¡Viva Northern League! | Today Headlines

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